


Second Best and Second Chance

by JocelynTorrent



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Romance, maybe if you're sensitive this could be seen as anti-carmilla but it's not my intent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-03
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-12 19:10:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4491339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JocelynTorrent/pseuds/JocelynTorrent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura makes one final video about her breakup with Carmilla, finally putting it all behind her. Then she sets out to pick up all of the relationships she'd broken along the way, starting with the most important.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Second Best and Second Chance

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that this is not anti-Carmilla, but rather how Laura would process moving on from Carmilla, and how neither of them are solely to blame for their parting as well as a general commentary on some of the interpretations of the characters that I feel are unfair. Also this is somewhere in between the breakup and Vordenberg getting elected, but I've added more time to that in between.

“It used to be that the hero always got the guy, or girl… or vampire or…you get it. It was in all the fairytales, the movies, the shows. The big, muscular action-y guy carrying off his damsel in distress as a building explodes behind them. Speaking from experience…explosions aren’t as romantic as movies made it seem. Rather, they’re more eardrum bursting and flaming. Really flaming, actually…and debris flies everywhere and—sorry, I’m rambling. You’re not here to listen to me talk about explosions. You’re here to listen to me talk about heroes and villains. And if you’re not here for either of those things, well, maybe just stick around and listen anyway.

“So, everyone knows the trope. We practically live the trope, striving to find the hero of our everyday lives or to become the hero and save someone else’s. And, realistically, why shouldn’t the hero find their true love at the end of some heart wrenching, explode-y saga? They’re smart, they’re kind, they’re obviously pretty damn selfless, doing whatever the narrative is telling them to do, despite the cost. And we used to eat it up. Harry and Ginny, Korra and Asami, Buttercup and Wesley, it gets us every time. Or it used to. But over the years, as we’ve been inundated with the same tired storylines, the idea of the hero has shifted into the idea of unattainable. Not because it doesn’t exist, but because people don’t want that anymore.

“We’re so sick of seeing the knight in shining armor day after day that after a while, you start to really wonder about the dragon. Is the dragon really evil? Is it really keeping the prince or princess against their will? May the fire breathing is just a really, really bad allergy and they can’t control it. Maybe the knight is the bad guy and the dragon is protecting the prince or princess from them. And, voila, a new trope has sprung up within our lives that makes us question the motives of everyone, searching for that little, insignificant speck of humanity to make even the vilest of villains a viable vessel for love. Sorry about that. I may have gotten a bit carried away with the alliteration. Moving on.

“Cut to the stories of today, where we want a broody, selfish Edward Cullen instead of courageous and kind Harry Potter. The darkness is more inviting than the glint of armor, and what a joy it would be to peel back that hard exterior and find out what glows underneath. We no longer want the safe, secure option that is guaranteed to make us happy. We want the risk, to hell with the rewards, if it fails it was worth it anyway option. At least, that’s what the stories tell us to want.

“’But, Laura,’ you say, ‘not every brooding person is evil or mean spirited. We just want them to get some love, too!’ Well, as you should, dear viewer, as you should. I myself have drunken heavily of the Twilight Kool-Aid and have fallen hard for many a fallen angel. And it’s amazing and fun for a while. Everything is a push and a pull and it’s so nice when they’re so guarded but let you in just a little and you feel like the only person in the world who is privileged enough to see such beauty. But…see, the things that the stories don’t tell you, are when those good times end.

“The guarded personality is actually just harboring secrets. The aloofness starts to make you feel unwanted. Even the sassy comments that you used to find endearing are starting to stick in ways that make you sick. Like, would it kill you placate someone for once in your life? That’s all most of us are looking for is a little nod and smile! Sorry, sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself. And I know that not every person is like this it’s just…they do exist, you know? Evil exists. And if you do enough horrible things in your life…maybe it gets to a point where you’re irredeemable.

“As many of you know, it’s been awhile since Carmilla and I…yeah. And in that time, sometime after gorging myself on Romanian Rocky Road and not showering for two weeks, I went back to what I do best: investigative journalism. And what I found…the conclusions that I’ve drawn…well, Silas, they aren’t exactly a picnic.

“As is customary for those who are grieving a lost relationship, I began scouring every bit of footage I had with Carmilla in it, trying to figure out just where it all went wrong. And as the pain of rejection heartbreak eased, I started to turn a more objective eye to what I was seeing. And, yes, I admit, I had my fair share of problems, too. I was way too forward, way too demanding and utterly oblivious to any problems Carmilla herself may have had.

“But Carmilla...look, it was really brave of her to get the sword. And it was even braver of her to use it to stand up to her mother and the angler fish and look death in the face and still have enough sense to make a sassy comment. But the more I think about it, the more I think that she may have done all of those brave, amazing things, just for me. Similar to the way she only began to resent and fight against her mother when she got a crush on the sacrifice. I can’t read Carmilla’s mind, and thank goodness for that, but if you only change when it suits your agenda…have you really changed at all?

“Anyway…the point that I’m trying to make here is that sometimes falling for the rebel can be the best thing that’s ever happened to you. Sometimes falling for the hero can be the best thing that’s ever happened to you. But don’t be stupid like I was and choose the wrong one because the flavor of the month is broody. Because I’ve been through the broody, I’ve been through the sass, fought my way through that impenetrable armor and very much savored what was underneath. But was it worth it for the belittling, for the battles, for the lies and secrets and ultimately, the anticlimactic ending where neither of us are really fighting for the resolution? Short answer: No. For me, it wasn’t. And I’ve wasted a lot of time figuring that out.

“So, broody or heroic or somewhere in between or not on the scale at all…choose the one that’s truly best for you, even if it’s out of style at the time.”

Laura pursed her lips into the best smile she could make at the moment and turned the camera off. She could see Carmilla in her peripheral, rifling through some book that was so old the title had been worn off of the cover. She appeared indifferent, as usual. If that was a mask for how she felt on the inside, well…Laura couldn’t say she cared all that much anymore. There were a lot of good things about Carmilla, and a lot of bad, and a lot that never quite meshed with her. It was best to let bygones be bygones. Enough time had gone by, and given the nonchalance in which Carmilla turned the page of her book, she could tell they were both over it. Standing from her chair, Laura took her empty package of cookies and made her way into the kitchen. Perry and LaFontaine were sitting at the table, neither able to mask their looks of being caught very well.

“I take it you heard all of that,” Laura mentioned as she threw the package away. They nodded in unison, more alike than the other would ever care to admit. Laura couldn’t help the small smile that crept up at the thought.

“Are you…sure you’re alright?” Perry offered, her hands raising and lowering as she battled over whether or not to hug Laura.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s good to get it off my chest.”

LaFontaine nodded again, standing to give Laura a firm look and a clap on the shoulder. “For what it’s worth, I think it’s high time something happened. Whether you made up or moved on, I’m just glad it’s over. Can I take the caution tape down now? It makes me feel claustrophobic.”

“If it’s okay with Carmilla, sure.” LaFontaine smiled and made their way down the hall eagerly, leaving Perry and Laura in the kitchen.

Perry opened her mouth to say something, then dropped her head and began wiping invisible crumbs off of the countertop. Laura watched her motions absently. She was glad she made the video, and, like LaFontaine, glad that her state of liminality was finally through. She had expected to cry, but found that there wasn’t enough emotion to carry her through it. How long had she and Carmilla been beating the dead horse that was their relationship?

“Do you think she saw it?” Laura asked quietly, leaning back to glance at the front door of the manner.

Perry’s eyes went wide as she continued on her task. “I don’t know. She’s been pretty busy with the student rep thing—

“That I practically forced her to sign up for,” Laura sighed.

Perry smiled, wiping her hands. “There’s not many people who could say no to a crying Laura.”

“Maybe not a crying Laura, but a Laura who pushed you away for caring could be told no quite easily methinks.”

“She’s been nothing but supportive of you since you since you came back. She’s a good friend.”

“Yeah, she really is. So…is it worth it even trying again? I’d hate to lose her all over.”

“That’s the problem with trying. You have to do it to find out.”

Laura chuckled sadly to herself. “Perry the sage.”

“Perry the maid is more like it. Are those cobwebs in the corner?” she huffed, gliding past Laura to fetch a broom. But the light twinkle in her eye didn’t go unnoticed.

Laura had never actually been to Danny’s room. She knew where it was, as Danny ran her TA office hours out of it, but Danny had always gone to Laura’s room when she needed something. Laura felt a slight pang of guilt as she began the trek across campus. All the times she had made Danny come over, and all the times Danny had invited herself were an inconvenience to her. The walk was long enough without the worry of angry harpies or spontaneous combustions of air or whatever the current dilemma of the hour was.

Sidestepping a particularly strange looking slug, Laura glanced up at the building that housed the Summer Society. For a moment she considered going in and looking for Danny there, before she remembered Danny’s fight with Mel. Was Danny still a part of the Summer Society? Just how much of Danny’s life had Laura ruined trying to play the hero and baiting a broody vampire? Despite the definite urge to walk back home and dig into her new tub of Romanian Rocky Road, Laura willed herself forward. Too much had been lost already on things unspoken. Even if it was going to blow up in her face, Laura wanted, needed to do this.

The door to Danny’s room was open, the calendar on the door indicating that there were ten minutes of her office hour left. Laura peered in timidly, making out Danny at her desk. Her back was to Laura, giving her the chance take in Danny’s room. Simple was the first word that came to mind. A twin bed against the wall, a desk by the window, a few trophies and medals hanging from various shelves and pins, and a particularly deadly looking bow and arrow that hung just above the bed. Laura swallowed, taking her eyes off of the weapon to focus on the TA in question.Danny’s hair was down. It had gotten longer and flowed outward at the tips. It was vast but not unruly and shimmered in the light of the dorm. She was wearing the blue flannel shirt that she had worn during their all-nighter of studying the alchemy club photos. That night it smelled of shampoo and the outdoors and had been what lulled Laura to sleep in the first place. Laura smiled at the memory, back when things were incredibly simple and good and just…simple.

Danny sighed and for a moment Laura worried that she had been caught. Instead, Danny just straightened her back, her long arms extending into a stretch before she tossed whatever she was looking at onto her bed. Laura squinted at the folder and realized that Danny was still scouring over the paperwork from the board meeting. Said board meeting that Danny proclaimed to be the worst thing that had ever happened to her. The board meeting that she had gone to simply to make Laura feel better. The guilt piling up in Laura’s stomach was starting to hit the back of her throat.

“Laura?”

Somewhere in all of Laura’s self-loathing, Danny had turned around. She was turned sideways in her chair, brow furrowed in concern. “Is something wrong? Are you okay?”

“Huh? Yeah! Yeah, I’m fine. I was just…um…do you mind if I come in?”

Danny shook her head, picking up the paperwork she had just dropped onto the bed to make space for Laura. She folded back into a neat pile and paper clipped it before setting it on the other side of her desk. Laura sat down easily, slapping her hands onto her thighs. Well, she really should have thought this plan through. What was she expecting? To knock down Danny’s door and apologize and ask to start again and everything ends happily ever after? Not in the real world.

Danny ran a hand through her hair and sighed down at the six folders on her desk before looking back at Laura. The smile on her face was sincere, kind. “What’s up?”

“I was just wondering whether or not you managed to see the show today?” Laura offered weakly, suddenly unable to control her awkward hand movements as she spoke.

Danny frowned and shook her head. “I’m sorry. I was so caught up in this I didn’t…want me to watch it now?” she offered, digging under the folders for her laptop.

“No, no, no, no, no,” Laura said quickly, blushing under Danny’s raised eyebrow. “I mean, it’s not a big deal. Of course you’re busy. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do.”

Danny gave a slight smile, setting her laptop down as she eyed Laura suspiciously. “Oookay. You sure you’re alright?”

Laura took a deep breath, forcing herself to regain some semblance of composure. “Yes, I am alright. Thank you for asking. I…this is a nice room.”

“Not bad for a single, I suppose. Being a TA does have its perks.”

“And is that…a real bow and arrow?”

Danny’s grin widened, amused by Laura’s continuous flailing. Laura knew it, too. Knew that smile all too well. And yet she could do nothing to contain the nerves that were bubbling over inside of her. But at least Danny wasn’t calling her out on it. At least not yet. However, she was certainly wasting time. Deciding to do or die, Laura cleared her throat.

“So the reason I stopped by,” she began, desperately trying to ignore the serious way Danny leaned forward and gave a slight nod, “was to…thank you. You’ve been a really, really good friend these past few months. Especially when I’ve done nothing to deserve it.”

“Hey,” Danny said, reaching out to place a hand over Laura’s jittering knee. “Don’t talk like that. I’m happy to help any way I can.”

Danny’s hand was warm even through her jeans and Laura felt herself relax as she placed her hand over it. Danny’s eyes fell to Laura’s knee and though it was silent, she could make out Danny’s deep intake of breath in the rise of her shoulders. There was a tug, or maybe it was just a twitch. But Danny’s hand did move and out of fear of losing her again before it started, Laura opened her mouth and simply let the words fall, lacing her fingers with Danny’s and holding tight.

“The first time I saw you in English class, I thought you were beautiful. And then you proved your strength at the town hall meeting just a few weeks after that. And you were always there for me, always offering help, always checking up on me to make sure I was safe. And you didn’t ask for anything in return. And I was…I was so greedy and I just took and took and took. But you made me feel safe and secure and I took that for granted.

“And then Carmilla came and she was so dangerous and dark and beautiful and all of a sudden the safety that you helped create for me was too tame. I wanted to find out why she was angry and why she was cruel and what made her have such a bad attitude and was she really a diamond in the rough like all of the books made her out to be.”

She squeezed Danny’s hand. Danny’s fingers were loose, but she hadn’t pulled away.

“I chose coal over a diamond and got soot instead of shine.”

Tears were welling in Laura’s eyes now but she blinked them back. “And people told me, you know. In comments and tweets and things. They told me that you were the safe option and that Carmilla was the real option. But there’s no real and there’s no safe. There’s only what is and isn’t right for me. And I chose wrong. I don’t want the person who flings themselves into the abyss and hopes for the best. I want the person who fights by my side. I want you, Danny.”

Laura sniffled and wiped her eyes with her free hand. “But I know that I don’t deserve you. And you certainly don’t deserve anything less than the absolute best. But I couldn’t…I just couldn’t let you think that you were second best or something. Because you’re not second best. I just made the wrong choice.”

The weight lifted from Laura’s shoulders, but she was still exhausted. Why did everything have to be so hard? Yes, angler fish gods and vampires and newspaper staff murders are hard. And, yes, love is hard. But at this point, she’s not even talking about love yet. Why couldn’t there be something in her life to pull her away from her thoughts and make her feel like she had no cares in the world? Like the only things in existence were her and—

Danny’s fingers slowly pulled away. So that was it then. Laura nodded, keeping her eyes tightly shut as she tried to calm herself. If Danny allowed her to, she’d be out of her hair just as soon as she regained a shred of dignity. She could understand why Danny wouldn’t want this, wouldn’t want her. And, maybe, once she could stop crying, she’d ask about staying friends.

There was a dip in the bed next to her and the sudden smell of shampoo and the outdoors. An arm reached around her back and Laura instinctively fell into Danny’s side. Long, strong arms wrapped around her and held her close, rocking softly. Laura was still struggling to calm to herself, but Danny had nothing but time. Eventually, she kissed the top of Laura’s head and smiled into her hair.

“You know,” she said quietly, feeling as Laura stilled to listen, “all of this talk about coal and diamonds and best and worst seems awfully black and white. And maybe it’s the black and white that got us all in trouble in the first place. So let’s start somewhere simpler. I like you and you like me and maybe we could start slow and see where this goes. That’s what normal people do, isn’t it?”

Laura chuckled into Danny’s chest. “Is anything about us normal?”

Danny felt a small kiss on her collarbone and smiled. “All the more reason to try.”

She held Laura like that for the next half hour, listening to a great battle rage on outside between harpies and some feral looking vultures. After a while the cherry bomb supporting students showed up and began trying to scatter the winged beasts with explosives. The sound was nearly deafening but Laura never heard a thing.


End file.
